thoughtsofafatgirl

One year journey

Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh why can’t I?


I’m 30 years old and have finally decided to finish my last year of school. It’s about time, right? There is only one problem; I no longer want to teach in education. To be a teacher is something, well, really the only thing I have ever wanted to do since I was 8 yrs. old. For some reason the thought of having all of those little kid’s future in my hand was starting to make me so nervous.So, I sat down and thought of what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life; since teaching wasn’t going to be my forte anymore. I could be a child psychologist, I love psychology and I really do want to work with children. I could be a social worker. Even, a writer I have always loved to write and I’m narcissistic 😉 enough to pull off a blog so why not. But I started shooting these ideas down as soon as they came into my head. “Psychology is too hard, who in their right mind would ask for your help” A social worker? Seriously? You couldn’t last. “You’re a mess up that’s scared to finish anything in life and you want to write for a living”?
Then something hit me, why am I so negative when it comes to me? I tell my sister, friends, kids I teach in Sunday school, kids in my daycare anyone in my life that they can be anything they want to be. If They can be anything they want to be, then why can’t I?
When I was a child I wanted to be a country music singer. I wanted to tour the world in cowboy boots and have everyone fall in love with me. It’s the first dream I actually remember having. I was sitting in the living room watching star search (yes, star search…Goggle it) Anyways, this guy came on and he was singing one of my favorite Garth Brooks songs and I started singing quietly with him then I announced to my family in the room that I wanted to be a country singer. “A singer” my dad said with a disgusted look? “What makes you think you’re good enough to be a singer”? Then he made me stand in up in the middle of the room and sing. He critiqued every note and how I looked. Telling me that I didn’t have the voice or the looks that anyone wanted to pay to see. He downed me on everything I ever wanted to do or everything I ever tried to do. He made me feel stupid and it hindered me from doing everything I ever really wanted to do in life. As you can tell in my other blog’s I’m big on not blaming other people for your short comings. That applies for this story also; I gave him the power to tear me down. Only you can allow yourself to become fragile and insecure.
My point of this story is a simple one. Cherish the ones in your life; especially if they are children. I don’t care if your child looks like the hunch back of Notre Dame, if they want to be a super model it’s your job to get Tyra Banks on the phone. That’s the point, it’s a dream it molds who they will become. No man should ever take that away from someone. Never abuse your power.

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June 3, 2011 - Posted by | Still life, Uncategorized |

3 Comments »

  1. The ones we love always seem to hurt us. I kind of changed the quote around.

    You are right. Follow your dreams. Why would you expect anyone to take the advice to give them if you won’t even listen to your own advice. You can do it. Maybe not sing (smile), but I’m waiting to here the feats you have triumphed over. Great post title too!

    Comment by Tom Baker | June 4, 2011 | Reply

  2. This was really nice reading. Im still 16, and have no idea what I wanna do with my life. Well actually, I want to be an actress, but I do the same thing you seem to do, shoot the idea down.

    I think you make good points, and its true that technically, we can strive to be whatever we want to be. But when parents “shoot down” our dreams I don’t think they mean to be crushing our hearts…they just want us to have secure futures…(if that even makes sense?) I know my mother doesn’t want me to act because the job is so insecure in terms of income… know wat i mean?

    Comment by NyankoHime | June 7, 2011 | Reply

    • Thank You so much, It is very hard for me to put my life on paper. Sometimes I think it’s a bad idea then someone posts something nice. 🙂 Thanks again, Crystal

      Comment by thoughtsofafatgirl | June 7, 2011


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