thoughtsofafatgirl

One year journey

Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh why can’t I?


I’m 30 years old and have finally decided to finish my last year of school. It’s about time, right? There is only one problem; I no longer want to teach in education. To be a teacher is something, well, really the only thing I have ever wanted to do since I was 8 yrs. old. For some reason the thought of having all of those little kid’s future in my hand was starting to make me so nervous.So, I sat down and thought of what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life; since teaching wasn’t going to be my forte anymore. I could be a child psychologist, I love psychology and I really do want to work with children. I could be a social worker. Even, a writer I have always loved to write and I’m narcissistic 😉 enough to pull off a blog so why not. But I started shooting these ideas down as soon as they came into my head. “Psychology is too hard, who in their right mind would ask for your help” A social worker? Seriously? You couldn’t last. “You’re a mess up that’s scared to finish anything in life and you want to write for a living”?
Then something hit me, why am I so negative when it comes to me? I tell my sister, friends, kids I teach in Sunday school, kids in my daycare anyone in my life that they can be anything they want to be. If They can be anything they want to be, then why can’t I?
When I was a child I wanted to be a country music singer. I wanted to tour the world in cowboy boots and have everyone fall in love with me. It’s the first dream I actually remember having. I was sitting in the living room watching star search (yes, star search…Goggle it) Anyways, this guy came on and he was singing one of my favorite Garth Brooks songs and I started singing quietly with him then I announced to my family in the room that I wanted to be a country singer. “A singer” my dad said with a disgusted look? “What makes you think you’re good enough to be a singer”? Then he made me stand in up in the middle of the room and sing. He critiqued every note and how I looked. Telling me that I didn’t have the voice or the looks that anyone wanted to pay to see. He downed me on everything I ever wanted to do or everything I ever tried to do. He made me feel stupid and it hindered me from doing everything I ever really wanted to do in life. As you can tell in my other blog’s I’m big on not blaming other people for your short comings. That applies for this story also; I gave him the power to tear me down. Only you can allow yourself to become fragile and insecure.
My point of this story is a simple one. Cherish the ones in your life; especially if they are children. I don’t care if your child looks like the hunch back of Notre Dame, if they want to be a super model it’s your job to get Tyra Banks on the phone. That’s the point, it’s a dream it molds who they will become. No man should ever take that away from someone. Never abuse your power.

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June 3, 2011 Posted by | Still life, Uncategorized | | 3 Comments

End of the week review


Ok. Saturday 28th – Friday 3rd total weight lose – 5 lbs.

Break down of food intake for the week

Saturday – 1600 cal. 30 min. walk burned 297 cal. daily total: 1303 cal.

Sunday – 1250 cal. 30 min. walk burned 297 cal. daily total: 953 cal.

Monday – 1640 calories.  30 min. walk  burned 297 cal. daily total:  1343 cal.

Tuesday -1505 calories. 30  min. walk burned 297 cal. daily total: 1208 cal.

Wednesday – 1780 cal. 30 min. walk burned  297 cal. total: 1493 cal.

Thursday – 1600 cal. 30 min. walk burned 297 cal. total: 1303 cal.

Friday – 1715 cal. no walk. ( I already know the calories of my dinner)  total 1715 cal.

It has been a pretty good week. I still can’t get use to eating breakfast so I drink a slim fast drink (cappuccino delight) If you like coffee drinks you will love this one. The rest of them are not for me but worth giving them a try.

June 3, 2011 Posted by | weight loss | Leave a comment

I’m going to New York.. bitches


Start spreading the news….I’m leaving today (in a year) I want to be a part of it……New York, New York.  Just picture it kissing sailors, broadway plays..having lunch with Carrie Bradshaw.  Hey, don’t ruin the dream, it could happen. I wanted to up the ante’ in my weight loss. If I succeed in 100 pounds in 1 year I will send myself to New York, If I do not I will take all the money I have saved for the trip and send my arch nemesis. This person is the poster child for bad hair bad attitude and bad breath. Well, to be fair she doesn’t have bad breath. I am going to spare no expense. I want to stay in the best hotels eat at the best restaurants and enjoy the best New York has to offer.  So, the bet is on and I will not lose!!!!!!!!!  P.S!!!!!!

June 2, 2011 Posted by | weight loss | 1 Comment

You are what you eat.


You are what you eat, I eat comfort food. So, It’s more I want to feel what I eat. Comfort.   As I have said in a previous blog in order to lose weight I need to find out why I gained it. The why factor is something I am truly seeking help for and will work out eventually. For the moment I’m working on how part. How do I control my over eating. I am an emotional eater, I eat when I am sad, lonely, worried really anything with negative emotions. How do I stop? I am applying a drug addiction technique to my over eating. I am replacing the binge eating with another “addiction”.  I have two things to replace my eating. One is this blog and it is working very well. The second is I make hand-made necklaces and rosaries. The jewelry I make isn’t something for everyone. I make every single loop by hand. One necklace takes about 40 hours to make. Replacing food with hobbies still sucks. I think of what I want to snack on as I am blogging. It’s all about will power which is one thing I do not have but seem to be getting better at it. I want to thank anyone who reads this blog and does not judge me or think I am weak. For those of you that do judge I hope you continue to read my blog because you need to take your own journey.  I love you all, Crystal

June 2, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

What makes you happy? Chose one,two or all of them.


What makes you happy? What makes me happy? Well that’s easy enough to answer, right? I ran across an article that talks about what science says will make you happy. I found it interesting and actually tried all 10 simple little things. I encourage you to do the same, I mean it couldn’t hurt. If your grumpier at the end of this experiment then I owe you a coke. http://www.yesmagazine.org/

1. Savor every moment.   Ok, this is a given, you always hear something along these lines but really try it. My sister came over today and instead of half way paying attention to her rants I really opened myself up to her and expressed real emotions. I really (savored) our visit and was happier at the end of the visit. However, I hope she doesn’t expect this much devotion every time she visits.

2. Avoid comparisons. This one I am not going to complete until tonight, I watch America’s Next Top Model and every time I compare how gorgeous they are and how blobby I am. (Yes, blobby is a word.) I’m not going to do that tonight and If I can’t help it I’m going to stop watching the show all together.

3. Put money low on the list. One of today’s chores was go shopping for summer items. I needed summer shirts,shorts and sandles. I thought I would try this one. I went to a thrift shop, instead of the high-end plus size shops I usually go to.  I did have to search more than usual I found some really good deals and spent a total of 25 dollars. Oh Yeah!! Money in my pocket!!!!

4. Have meaningful goals. I believe this blog is a great goal after all it is my one year goal of true happiness.

5.Take initiative at work. Ok, for one I’m off today and two I always take initiative so I’m skipping this one. And by the way work never makes me happy. I can’t wait till im done with school so I can start teaching. That is if our country havent done away with teachers all together.

6. Make friends, treasure family. I have plenty of friends and family for that matter. But I chose one from each group to send flowers, they will not receive them until tomorrow but it will be a nice surprise. I sent my mother yellow roses… her favorite and an old but loved friend a bouquet of mixed carnations. (I used my left over summer clothes money)

7. Smile even if it sucks. I walked by the restroom and saw how I looked in my new shorts and it really bummed me out. Then I read this article and put it to good use. I went to my full body mirror in my room stood there and smiled at myself for a few minutes. The longer I looked at myself the more I realized how pretty I really am and even though I am not 100% where I want to be right now I should love me no matter what. (This is my favorite one so far) fake it until you feel it.

8. Say thank you and mean it. I always say thank you but I made it a point to really let people know how much I appreciate them and what they do for me. This one is a work in progress, I will continue to do it because it’s just a nice thing to do.

9.Exercise. If you read my blog this morning then you know that is exactly what I done. I felt better after it and I seem more alert today. I think I got the blood flowing and the brain working. 🙂

10. Give it away. This one is easy for me, I am not materialistic at all. However, instead of giving away things I didn’t want I gave away things others could use that I still wanted. It was like I cleaned my house and my soul. Very nice. I’m really at peace right now.   snap.snap.

All in all this was a great experiment. One I will start to use in my every day life or at least once every couple of months. Hope y’all experience as much bliss as I did. Later, loves.

 

June 1, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Sleep oh how I knew you…would be the death of me


I hate sleeping, I average 4 hours a night. There is something about sleeping that erks me. Why am I talking about sleep, you ask? Because I have been reading all these diet articles about the two most important things to a diet are SLEEP and Breakfast. Don’t even get me started on breakfast… how can anyone eat breakfast food. If I do eat breakfast it’s usually leftovers from the night before. As far as diets go I guess I’m in bad shape. I’m going to do something that’s going to kill me but starting tonight I am going to get my 8 hours and start eating a real breakfast every day. I did try oatmeal this morning and it was like forcing a rabid dog to balance a plate on its head.   (A few people got bit and there was shattered glass everywhere)

On a related note I walked 30 minutes this morning. I should have got my heart rate going a little more but did not want to push it. I’m going to walk 30 minutes every day for two weeks then bump it up to 45min. and on and on. My goal is to actually be able to jog, or skip.

June 1, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Who are you?


Peer pressure refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging a person to change his or her attitudes, values, or behavior in order to conform to group norms. Social groups affected include membership groups, when the individual is “formally” a member (for example, political party, trade union), or a social click. A person affected by peer pressure may or may not want to belong to these groups. They may also recognize dissociative groups with which they would not wish to associate, and thus they behave adversely concerning that group’s behaviors.[

In this day and age it is easy to be who you are, right? I’m overweight because I over eat. We have established that. But why do I over eat? I think it’s because I could never be the person I wanted to be. When I was a teenager I wanted to have pink hair and piercings and be a free spirit. I wanted to join a punk rock group and follow a band on tour. I wanted to not have to lie about every single move I ever made because I had an overbearing jerk of a father. You know what? I am an artist with a sweet soul and a wild side but you would never know that because if you were to see me I’m your bland every day girl but inside I rock. I think a long time ago I decided if I couldn’t be what I wanted then I was going to be someone nobody wanted. I figured it out, I cracked the code. I now know why my weight spun out of control. Well, it’s time to finally claim who I really am and if people don’t like me I’m sorry. I want to be me. I’m awesome and deserve a chance to shine.

May 31, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

TO THE….Blog?


This blog thing is my new super hero. If I could only find a way to snuggle with it I could be completely self-sufficient. I am doing really good today. I guess I should start posting what I eat on here so it’s more official. Please work with me this is my first blog attempt and I ‘m a bit over my head. I have recruited my cousin because she is a super computer person…but super cool..lol  So, hopefully everything will be on point within the next couple of days then my blog can go on me and my diet rather than what the f am i doing. Ok, later loves!!

 

May 31, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Boy oh boy…today was bad


I am a roller coaster of emotions and today was straight down. I did not stick to my diet and today was not successful, I really don’t have much more than that to say. tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Good night folks

May 31, 2011 Posted by | weight loss | 2 Comments

To write love on her arms


Hello people, I am not going to talk about my chunky self in this post..lol  I want to discuss a charity that I am supporting on my page. Don’t worry I’m not going to ask for money. The charilty is called To write love on her arms and it helps with people that feel there is no where to turn but suicide. All you have to do is click on the site and watch a small video that lasts like a minute then vote on what charity you feel should win a car. Chevy is donating 10 cars to the top ten picks. It’s an awesome way to support a cause for people who are to busy for much else. Thanks, I hope you look into it. Crystal

 

 

May 30, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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