One year journey

Go jump off a cliff oh and happy fathers day.

Beat me down, one more time. With every blow, every word I find excitement and life.  With pain comes a welcome entity that envelopes
me. Looking out a window into your soul in otherwise empty eyes. Nothing stops the hurt or the pain but still I’m to week not to cry. I sit alone wondering trying to understand what would make you not be the miserable shell of a man you are. I always held my head down trying to get lost in the crowd.  With diamonds in my eyes I wanted to know what I done wrong.  I still do. My heart stopped beating the night I realized I meant nothing to you. Shallow breathes were all I could manage my lungs refused to take in air. I felt like such a fool vying for your love and you just didn’t  give a damn about us. I sat alone. I was constantly thinking and walking on egg shells trying not to awaken the beast inside you.

All I needed was a father. You have ruined me, turned me into ruins of a once great city. Even when I’m happy your misery stalks me it
creeps into my thoughts and dreams.  I start to be great and just the mere thought of you brings everything crumbling down. Everything reminds me. Did you know I don’t have a single good memory of you? But then again I have blocked out most of them just to cope with life.  What am I going to do I have lost my way? You touch my world every day. I feel I’m losing control. I live broken trying to forget you and all your sorrow. What do I have to do to move on? I’m not yours anymore and I do not love you.

Sometimes I want to take a better look at the man who use to stand before me. I still think I have a chance. A chance for you to love me
a chance to be a family. Then I wake up and remember who you really are. You have to let me go. My memories do not allow me to forget. Where are you? Everything reminds me.

June 20, 2011 Posted by | Still life | | Leave a comment


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